Real Spankings for Real Misdeeds

I'm starting this blog in order to record my fantasies and maybe learn to articulate them more readily. See, I have this great boyfriend who is all too happy to spank me and who does it better than anyone I've ever met, but because he isn't naturally "into it" the way I am, the fantasy side is kind of lost on him, so inevitably it ends up happening in bed, in the context of sex, which isn't bad obviously, but it's somewhat limiting. The kinds of things I wish we were doing fall into two categories, really: real spankings for real misdeeds and role play. Tonight I'll talk about the former.

I broached this subject once a few months ago and pretty much got shot down, and I felt mortified and haven't been able to bring it up since. I've wanted a disciplinarian all my life, but my boyfriend -- I'll call him Harry -- said that he wouldn't want to spank me if he was angry with me because he "doesn't feel that way" (presumably sexual) in those circumstances, and he also said that if he was really angry he might really hurt me, and he wouldn't want to do that.

The first argument demonstrates that typical vanilla mindset that believes spanking must necessarily be explicitly sexual and that it's ridiculous to pretend that it's anything else. This attitude is also evidenced when he objects to something I'm doing and I reply coyly, "What are you going to do about it?" hoping for some tantalizing threat involving his belt and my panties coming down, and he instead replies knowingly, "No spankings for a week!" I hate when he does that, it totally ruins the mood for me.

The second argument, however, is a valid one and I think it shows that he's someone I could actually trust in the role of disciplinarian because he's genuinely concerned about my safety and also he isn't someone who wants to control me. What I probably should have done when Harry voiced that objection was explain to him more carefully what I want. Naturally I don't want him taking me over his knee in the heat of an argument when he's really angry with me over something subjective about which I might be right. That would be horrible. No. But being the sort of guilt-ridden, overly responsible and sensitive girl that I am by nature, if I've done something that is objectively wrong, I feel a whole lot better if I get punished for it.

A perfect example would be that when we do argue, he usually remains calm and focuses only on the issue at hand. He's never sworn at me or called me names, whereas I can be downright combative. I generally don't swear at all -- not even mild expletives -- but when I'm angry, I've been known to cuss like a sailor, and I am also somewhat inclined to hurl insults that aren't directly related to the current debate. It's not something I'm proud of -- in fact, I'm ashamed -- but it's something I picked up somewhere along the line and I have a pretty hot temper so sometimes it just happens, and Harry hates it. It's probably his number one complaint about me, actually. Anyway, it's not like it's his responsibility to make me behave like a decent person, and I honestly have been trying not to do it anymore, but old habits can be hard to break and occasionally I slip. In those cases, what I wish he would do is wait until the argument itself has been resolved and we've made up, and then tell me that the way I handled it was unacceptable and that I'm going to be punished for it. (The behavior, not the argument itself.) And even then it's not something he has to do immediately if he's still feeling too annoyed. He could say that it's going to happen at bedtime, or on Sunday, or something like that when he's feeling calm and collected.

And when he does it, he should really do it. Harry is actually really good at giving a spanking. I've known guys in the scene -- well know, "experienced" guys -- who haven't the faintest idea what they're doing and hit so hard that you feel like the wind has been knocked out of you, and even when you complain they still do it that way because they don't know any better. And then there is the other type, the nicer sort, who don't hit hard enough because they're afraid of hurting you. But Harry is a natural. At 6'5" and 230 lbs. of hard muscle he can really pack a wallop, but he seems to know instinctively that the secret is all in the wrist. He can give me a really hard, stinging spanking that leaves me kicking and squirming without ever leaving a bruise. If he were going to spank me for real punishment, all he would have to do is prolong such a spanking until it seemed unbearable to me...and then make it go on a little while longer. That's the trick of punitive spanking in my opinion -- it's not about leaving heavy bruises -- it's about making it last for so long that it seems that the pain will never end, and not giving up until real tears have been induced.

Not that marks are out of the question, mind you. I believe that if a punishment spanking is going to be truly effective, it has to be something that I'll actually dread and want to avoid. Therefore it wouldn't be shocking if he gave me a sound spanking with his hand and then really blistered my backside with a hairbrush or his belt. I draw the line -- and I'm sure he would too -- at breaking the skin or really heavy bruising, but some bruises or welts are kind of expected if you're really going to punish a grown woman who enjoys a casual spanking.

There are other details that he'd have to work out if he were going to do it. Like positioning. Usually if he spanks me these days it's lying face down on my bed (generally because we're already in bed and naked at the time.) That's fine for playing, but a punishment spanking should really be over the knee or bent over the back of a chair, desk, etc. in the traditional way. Actually, what I really like is the idea of giving a punishment spanking at bedtime. That way, he could send me to get ready for bed first and change into my pyjamas while he remains fully dressed, and then he could sit down in a chair, take me over his knee, and pull my pants or panties down while leaving the rest of my pyjamas (nightgown or whatever) on. He would use the over the knee position for the hand-spanking and maybe later if he was going to use the hairbrush. But for the belt, he should either turn the chair he was sitting in around and make me bend over the back of it, or make me bend over the edge of the bed, or just grab my ankles, or something like that that seems more punitive than just lying comfortably on the bed.

Anyway, that's a pretty good description of what I want -- or what I want to hate -- now I just need to sell him on the idea! I honestly believe that if he could be made to understand it the way I explained above that he could see his way clear to doing it. He's not squeamish about spanking me -- he's amply demonstrated that -- so if only he knew that it's something I want and need and that I don't want it in a dangerous, abusive way, but in a very domestic, caring sort of way then I think he would do it. He will really do almost anything to make me happy. And I truly think that it would make our relationship better. Not that it isn't good now, but I think he would feel better if he could hold me accountable for those things I do that drive him crazy. I also think it'd force him to be a better boyfriend because if he was going to take on the role of disciplinarian, he'd always have to act responsible and like an adult to be sure he's being fair. And I know it would make me feel like a better girlfriend because I truly feel terrible when I do something that hurts him, and I love him enough that I would like for him to be the one to correct me when I do.